The Lost Mom


Reflections on Intentions – Mother’s Day 2009
May 10, 2009, 12:53 pm
Filed under: Mother's Day, non-bio mom | Tags: , ,

Devotion is a hard thing to come by.  Someone devoted to you, harder still.  But I was and I am, to him.

love at first sight

love at first sight

From the moment I saw him, I loved him.  Actually, well before that fateful day, I loved him.  We planned for him.  When he was still deep in her belly we read books to him, called him by name, thought about our future with him.

And then that day, when he finally came, I remember the feeling, “oh, you are exactly who I thought was in there.”  He was tiny and fragile and beautiful.  When he was immediately whisked away and confined to the heat lamp, I wrapped my arms around his swaddled body and hummed to him.  It was after midnight and I leaned, exhausted, against the wall and wanted him to hear my voice.  We had agreed before hand that one of us would be with him at all times and since she was being attended to by medical staff, I was his guardian.  I whispered and hummed so that he might know he wasn’t alone.

Besides the doctors and nurses, I am the only other person who witnessed his birth.  I am the only one who can tell him how much we long to see him.  How excited we were to hold him.  How blessed we felt.  I am the only other one who can.

One day I’ll tell him about the time, when she was pregnant  I was reading the book, Little Quack, to her big belly, to him.  How her stomach shifted, you could see it!  Somehow he scooted all the way to the side of her stomach where he heard the story.  The other side of her stomach, the side without me, was flat as (I imagine this part) he pressed his little ear to the side of the womb to hear the voices that loved him.  The voices that love him still.

I was devoted to him.  Just as if he had come from my womb.  And it remains today, that devotion.

I would take a bullet.  I would give him my left arm if he needed a transplant.  I would hum to him if he if he felt alone. My intention was to always love him and I always will.

Happy Mother’s Day y’all.

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Mother’s Day Icon 2009 – Three Candidates
May 8, 2009, 8:11 am
Filed under: Apsara, Lisa Simpson, Madonna, Marge Simpson, Mother's Day | Tags:

Here are my candidates for Mother’s Day Icon, 2009.

Candidate number One:  Marge Simpson

Candidate number One: Marge Simpson

Candidate number one: Marge Simpson

Oh, yes I did! Who, of you ladies out there (and possibly some men) do not or have not related to either Marge or Lisa? Okay, okay, so I grew up with five brothers and that might have something to do with my over-identifying with Lisa and her wondering through the world trying to find emotional complexity in a family/world of unashamed brutes (but the brutes are awfully sweet and so funny). But imagine being Marge, knowing you have a sensitive and smart daughter and that the odds just aren’t in her favor. Knowing that you are the only one who can help her navigate the Simpson family.

They really do represent a quintessential mother/daughter relationship. And, let’s just admit it now, Lisa will one day have to come out of the closet. There, I’ve said it.

Candidate Two: Cambodian Apsaras

Candidate number two:  Cambodian Apsaras

Candidate number two: Cambodian Apsaras

Let me tell you something about some of the most bad-ass women on the planet: Cambodian Apsaras. These women are sexy (god are they sexy), they are semi-divine (dancing for the Buddha) and they are surrounded in mystery and intrigue. If you’re ever lucky enough to visit Angkor Wat then you will see the more than 1,000 base reliefs of apsaras, each one unique (each one, imagine). Search and search and maybe you will find the one apsara with the forked tongue (it’s a WTF moment!).

What I think of is, what if my mother had been an Apsara? How would may life be different? What secrets of the universe would she have taught me? Shivers…..

Last but not least: Candidate number three: the HOLY mother of all mothers.

Candidate Number Three:  The Holy Mother of all Mothers

Candidate Number Three: The Holy Mother of all Mothers

That’s right, the Madonna (the original one, not the angelina-competing- baby-adopting-machine-pop-singer one). She survived teen pregnancy (out of wedlock no less), taught her son to be compassionate for the suffering of others while working to change public policy, and, the one that speaks to me, she is one mom that wouldn’t let you mess with her child (that’s my read of the scriptures – well if I read the scriptures).

She’s the mom of moms. Think what you may of the artist renditions of her and the different accounts of her fateful journey to the manger (and virginal insemination! – was that a known or unknown donor?), she ultimately shows us what can happen, how the world can be changed, by teaching our sons the value of empathy, compassion, and radical politics. What more could you want in a Mother’s Day Icon?

So, three candidates. Three choices. Which one should be Mother’s Day Icon 2009 (and yes, you can do a write in candidate) and why.

Oh, and happy Mother’s Day.