The Lost Mom

We’ve All Lost

Last week the judge ruled in her favor.  The contract goes against Utah public policy.  There is no longer an order of visitation.  I lost my son.  He lost another adult (nay, a mom) who loves him.  They lost their souls.

And then the sucker punch today…. it just came out.  I just read it.  It made me feel sick.  The Alliance Defense Fund sent out this press release

I’m as sad as I can be.  I’m broken hearted.  I will always love him.


19 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Gena, I’m so sorry to read this. I haven’t been following your blog for long, but my partner and I are trying to adopt in a state where we know we’ll be piecing together “an unenforceable agreement” as the best protection of our coparenting we can get, at least until we can move to a state with second-parent adoptions so I can go to grad school. It’s so frustrating and scary to see courts make decisions like this one. It’s so absolutely heartbreaking when it happens to someone whose story I’ve read, in whose story I can see pieces of my own. I don’t know how you can recover from this kind of loss, but I wish you all the hope and peace in the world. I’m so sorry.

Comment by Thorn

[…] her personal site, The Lost Mom, Edvalson wrote yesterday: Last week the judge ruled in her favor. . . . I lost my son. He lost […]

Pingback by Mombian » Blog Archive » Utah Court Says Non-Bio Mom Has No Rights to Her Child

I am so sorry. I am so frustrated by a system that claims to act “in the best interest of the child” and then strips a child from a relationship with a loving, capable parent. Best wishes to you, your son, and all of us who are struggling to provide legal protections for our families.

Comment by Stephanie Moss

[…] July 11, 2009 · Leave a Comment Just a quick note about a recent case from Utah.  The (very short) decision is here and you can also read about it in the Mombian blog.   We don’t have the benefit of the specific facts in the opinion, but Mombian has a good discussion.     The unsuccessful lesbian mother also maintains a blog, the Lost Mom.   […]

Pingback by News in Brief: Lesbian Mothers Cannot Rely on Agreements in Utah « Related Topics

I’m really sorry for your loss and really angry that they did this to you and your son.

Comment by Angela V-C

I am horrified at this unjustice. I can not believe your son will be forced to lose his MOTHER. Call it what you will, other mother, whatever, you are his MOTHER to him and she has taken the very foundation that he lives and breathes on and taken a big chunk out. what a gross, gross excuse for a person. I am sending you love and just the thought that I am thinking of you.

Comment by jbeeky

My heart goes out to you. I cannot even begin to describe how sorry I am to hear this. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through, but please know (although it may not matter much right now), you have many people out there praying for you and your son.

Comment by Greg Storms

Gena; I’m so sorry to hear this. I went to law school with she who will not be named and I went to your wedding. An email from a mutual friend let me know what happened. I’m devastated. So very sorry. Just so very sorry.

Comment by genie

Hi Gena,
I was in SLC in a break from school and saw your picture in the paper. I am so sorry! I witnessed first hand how much you loved and cared for him.

Comment by Erica Thatcher Garavatti

I have a friend whose uncle was prevented from seeing his son until the son turned 18. The son immediately found his father, and has been a member of the father’s family ever since. I realise that 15 years is too long to wait, but as I sit here crying, just a story.

Comment by genie

[…] her personal site, The Lost Mom, Edvalson wrote: Last week the judge ruled in her favor. . . . I lost my son. He lost another adult […]

Pingback by Jane and Jane Magazine, Celebrating Lesbian Living

Omg…my heart is broken for you and for your son. I can’t believe she did this!! Since we lost touch, we sometimes google you…we haven’t for a few months…to find this out is devastating. I am so angry and so sad!!! Why can’t people understand how wrong this is?!? A huge hug from me to you.

Comment by Alysha

I am sorry, Gena. I know he means the world to you on so many levels. I imagine that this loss brings with it haunting doubts and fears, but one thing that I know you need not doubt is your personal capacity to face life with your signature ferocity and imagination and to thereby create one worth living.

“There are times in life when the question of knowing if one can think differently than one thinks and perceive differently than one sees is absolutely necessary if one is to go on looking and reflecting at all. People will say, perhaps, that these games with oneself need only go on behind the scenes; that they are, at best, part of those labors of preparation that efface themselves when they have had their effects. But what, then, is philosophy today … if not the critical labor of thought upon itself? And if it does not consist, in place of legitimating what one already knows, in undertaking how, and up to what limit, it would be possible to think differently?” — Michel Foucault

Comment by Jennifer Yim

You wear the face of us all, Gena.

Comment by Kristina Handy

I am so sad to read this…and I am so sorry that you have lost your boy. I think of you often.

Comment by Kent

“A legal stranger”. “No legal relationship”. Wow that was cruel, and the fact that she chose to use people like the ADF another cruelty.

I am so sorry, and you deserve so much better.

Comment by David Wyatt

I am so sorry.

Comment by Leah

Just checking in to see how you are doing and let you know we are still thinking of you and sending you love and support.

Comment by jbeeky

Hi Gena,

I am so sorry to hear this news. Looks like it has been a while since anyone had posted here and I know it has been 2 years since this unfair legal decision, but I hope you are doing better now. I really cannot imagine what you persoanlly must have gone through. Much love, Your old friend from Kampuchea.

Susan J.—

Comment by Susan Janoski

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: