The Lost Mom

Reflections on Intentions – Mother’s Day 2009
May 10, 2009, 12:53 pm
Filed under: Mother's Day, non-bio mom | Tags: , ,

Devotion is a hard thing to come by.  Someone devoted to you, harder still.  But I was and I am, to him.

love at first sight

love at first sight

From the moment I saw him, I loved him.  Actually, well before that fateful day, I loved him.  We planned for him.  When he was still deep in her belly we read books to him, called him by name, thought about our future with him.

And then that day, when he finally came, I remember the feeling, “oh, you are exactly who I thought was in there.”  He was tiny and fragile and beautiful.  When he was immediately whisked away and confined to the heat lamp, I wrapped my arms around his swaddled body and hummed to him.  It was after midnight and I leaned, exhausted, against the wall and wanted him to hear my voice.  We had agreed before hand that one of us would be with him at all times and since she was being attended to by medical staff, I was his guardian.  I whispered and hummed so that he might know he wasn’t alone.

Besides the doctors and nurses, I am the only other person who witnessed his birth.  I am the only one who can tell him how much we long to see him.  How excited we were to hold him.  How blessed we felt.  I am the only other one who can.

One day I’ll tell him about the time, when she was pregnant  I was reading the book, Little Quack, to her big belly, to him.  How her stomach shifted, you could see it!  Somehow he scooted all the way to the side of her stomach where he heard the story.  The other side of her stomach, the side without me, was flat as (I imagine this part) he pressed his little ear to the side of the womb to hear the voices that loved him.  The voices that love him still.

I was devoted to him.  Just as if he had come from my womb.  And it remains today, that devotion.

I would take a bullet.  I would give him my left arm if he needed a transplant.  I would hum to him if he if he felt alone. My intention was to always love him and I always will.

Happy Mother’s Day y’all.


2 Comments so far
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Comment by Kristina Handy

Beautifully said. You are an amazing Gena to him :)

Comment by Manessa

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